Help Make Domestic Violence Unignorable: Full Written Impact Speech

United Way Speech

Hello everyone, thank you so much for having me here today. My name is Megan Atkins-Baker and I am one of the campaign associates at United Way of Calgary and Area. I’m also a journalism student at Mount Royal University and this four month sponsorship will go toward the completion of my practicum - I couldn’t have asked for a better workplace to begin my career in.

At United Way of Calgary and Area, we like to say that we are local experts who bring people together to solve complex issues and improve lives. This includes you, too. You know your own backyard better than anyone else, and you know the issues that need to be solved.

You are local experts — What United Way is trying to do is tap into your expertise of the local community, and the expertise of others to make a difference. Our role is to bring you together to gather your knowledge and your stories, because if we can connect to and understand each other, then solving these complex social issues will become easier.

Sharing our stories is part of what connects us to one another, it helps us to feel less alone in a world where vulnerability is shunned - but in reality we all feel vulnerable sometimes.

So today I want to share a story about a young woman in our community who faced something that many others have, are or will endure if the issue isn’t addressed at the core.

Once upon a time, a young woman met a young man who was tall, charming, funny, and had the most soulful green eyes she’d ever seen. It was love at first sight, a connection so palpable that she was sure he was the one. His interests matched hers, conversation was effortless, and she had never felt such ease with another person.

Every day he told her how beautiful she was, what a beautiful mind she had, how passionate he was for her. He bought her thoughtful gifts and told her that she was his soul mate. The great love he had always been searching for.

Then one day they had an argument about politics, he told her that she was an ignorant sheep for following the popular opinion about a certain president. She overlooked the comment because he apologized for insulting her, hugged her, told her he didn’t mean it. She believed him because she loved him.

A few days later he insulted her outfit, he told her she was showing too much skin and that she was desperate for attention. If she really loved him, and if he were really the only man she wanted to be with, then why did she need to dress for so much attention? She never wore an outfit like that again, because she loved him.

The control got worse. He searched her laptop and phone often for proof that she was cheating on him even though she wasn’t and gave him no reason to believe so. He found nothing every time. Yet the insults continued to come.

Words I don't even want to say here today. Words she came to know herself as.

She would get angry, yell, cry. Beg him to explain why he thought so lowly of her when she changed so much of herself to be the woman he wanted her to be. She would gain some strength and pack his bags, tell him never to come back, tell him she never wanted to see him again.

He would show up on her doorstep begging for forgiveness, he would get down on his knees and cry so violently that she would worry and open up, her inner empath unable to close the door on the weeping man she loved. He would tell her he was in the wrong and that he would not be able to live without her. He promised to change, he promised to make it up to her.

She would cave, she would let him back into her house and into her heart. She was weak, weak for him and this cycle of ups and downs. The emotional rollercoaster would remain on high for a week or two, then the insults would begin again. This time while he held her too firmly by her small wrists and spit words at her an inch from her face.

Maybe, she thought to herself, that she really was the issue? Maybe she really did deserve to be treated this way? If she quieted her opinions, dressed more modestly, did what he wanted her to do he would see that she really did love him.

Because of that, she lost her sense of self, her confidence, the ability to look people in the eye. She loved someone who contrarily made her feel so very small.

Her family and friends were worried for her, she was too skinny, much quieter than usual, and had tired dark circles under her eyes, she was emotionally exhausted and her inner light had left her. Why? They asked. What was happening? She finally told them. They stepped in at her defense and stayed by her side until she woke up to the fact that this was not love. It was abuse. She was being kept down, her spirit and life force was being stolen from her.

Women who are in abusive relationships deserve to have support and somewhere to turn when they decide for themselves that enough is enough. I was lucky to have a solid support system from my family and friends who helped me to get out of a relationship that I was too brainwashed to get out of by myself. But what about the women who feel that they have nowhere to turn? Well, that’s what United Way is here for, we are your family and we are your friends. Every donor dollar, every volunteer hour, every ounce of care will help the 1/4 women who are in desperate need, who are just as ashamed, exhausted, brainwashed, and broken down as I was.

Abuse doesn’t always look like a black eye or bruises on the body, sometimes it’s silent and unseen, like slow decay as someone breaks you down over time. Abuse comes in many forms, and it doesn’t discriminate. I come from a strong family, and I am so grateful to have that solid base. But I was still affected by abuse. When we think of domestic violence, we often think of it as an issue that only happens to people with certain backgrounds, cultural and religious, people of certain household incomes.

But last year, the Calgary Police Service responded to over 18,000 domestic violence conflicts in both low and high income neighbourhoods.

In the next 5 days, a woman in Canada will be killed by her intimate partner.

My family feared that I could have become a part of that statistic had I stayed in my relationship, but luckily I am still here to be able to share my story with you.

Let’s build women up and take away ingrained shame, feelings of not being enough, feelings that we owe anyone our power. Let’s teach our young that power is in respect, affirmation, and empathy. Let’s teach our young what true love looks like through programs at United Way, in our schools and in our workplaces. Let’s help everyone trying to escape abuse that their crippling shame and sense of unworthiness can be healed, that their strength can be regained and never stripped from them again.

If you know someone who could utilize some of the programs that United Way supports, please encourage them to do so. United Way partners with amazing agencies such as the Distress Centre, Sagesse, Homefront and Wiseguyz that all work to deepen community impact by tackling issues at the root.

211 is also an amazing resource that people who are facing any sort of issue can call. It is an information and referral service offered through a partnership between United Way, The City of Calgary, and Distress Centre Calgary.

This 24/7 service is available in over 200 languages, assisting people who need information but don’t know who to call. This is a resource that many people who are escaping domestic violence could use, because it will point you to some of the agencies that can take you in if you don’t know where to go. It is a free and confidential service.

So if you need someone to listen, I promise that I’m here for you. United Way is here for you. And we wouldn’t be able to do it without our donors and volunteers, so I extend an invite to each of you to join our workplace campaign.

By joining together as a community, as one big earth family we can teach each other about love, compassion, and care. Give today. Do local good.